The little one is hyperactive and hyper sensitive to light, temperature and sound when she's trying to sleep.....The result is a baby with dark circles and eye bags.
I've been working hard with Grandma to get her as much sleep as possible and we average about 10hrs a day as compared to the 15-20 recommended hours a day.
Sometimes I feel immensely guilty for bringing her out. CNY, meet up with friends, running errands etc.. All interfere with her need to sleep. She is so loved that everywhere we go.. people want to play with her.. Even strangers come up to me...good thing is she usually falls asleep when I use the sling.
Somedays she lets out an EXTREMELY loud and EXTREMELY frustrated cry which sometimes makes me cry too.
Don't know what else to do except to keep trying everyday.
First ever photo with Joy Joy.. Ive used this photo before in another post but the real reason why I took the picture was coz Joy Joy looked so funny with her chaotah skin after phototherapy that I was laughing at her.
One night after we brought Joy Joy home and were still going through the very difficult and tiring night feedings, an exhausted Daddy was lying in bed whilst I nursed Joy Joy on a chair in our room when he said with a sigh..
" The two woman in my life..."
He looked at us for sometime,
then he continued after a pregnant pause...
"You give a lot and get back very little... But you still want to do it...this must be love"
I don't quite understand the "get back very little part" but the rest of it sounds good!
Miss Joy Wong Lok Xun, Huang Lexuan, you have officially broken mummy's heart for the very first time In your life.
I risked my life to give birth to you. I painstakingly endured pain from the c-sect wound, countless sleepless nights, hunger, anger and gave everything I could to take care of you and let you have my breastmilk despite all the pain and frustrations I had, despite the fact that it means I wont get to rest and don't get to eat on time during confinement
I bathe by the light of my phone in the middle of the night coz that's the only time I have to bathe and I can't turn on the light coz it would disturb your sleep. I leave a mug in the room so that i can drink tap water at night coz I don't have time to get out to even get a glass of water. I stay with you in the room close to 24/7 a day coz the rest of the family can't give up TV and is not able to stop making noise.
And goodness knows how many times I've cleaned your backside! And goodness knows how many times I've eaten your shit and not to forget DRAPOLENE or DESITIN because I didn't have time to wash my hand properly coz you keep crying after diaper change!
And your Grandma? She just rides on my hard work. After I changed her diaper, she rushes to comfort you. After I've burped you for ages, she rushes to do a final burped and you stop crying. After I nursed you and you can't get to sleep, she rushes to play with you. She gets to sleep through the night, gets her tv, her life and on top of that gets to dye her hair, curl her hair.
What's more, her mission in life is to CLEAN! She isn't wiling to jeopardize her schedule to see that you get complete care and she wants to put you in a sarong, which can cause you injury / even suffocation if she's not careful, just coz its more convenient for her to take care of you. She doesn't want to learn how to apply desitin for you (causing your bottom to bleed), fold down your diaper so that it won't hurt your belly button, apply the spray to stop bleeding or even wear a onesie for you to help with the belly button, amongst many other things.
And what did you do?!
This morning before we took you to see the doctor for your belly button, I dressed you, cleaned you, changed your diaper, nursed you until you were satisfied and when I was packing your diapers and such into my tiny bag, Grandma sat you down to burp and called "MA"!!!
!Grandma said you were addressing her but I told her that you were saying "Neh" which is your word for "milk" (See! I even learnt your language!). Because I was JEALOUS furious.
Now let me heave a big sigh!
Ok. It's coz I had some expectations. I expected you to love me more than anybody else because I am giving you everything I have and love you more than even myself. I expected you to love me most out of everybody around you. But then as I was nursing you just now, I realized that I shouldn't or it is pointless for me to want you to love me as much as I love you.
Being a parent is a thankless job which you do because you want to. And I have to accept that.
Daddy was laughing at me over the phone when I told him just now. He said I am uber possessive of you but he would tell you about this when you grow up.But I think this might be your reaction..
You must be kidding mummy!
I'm only 7 weeks old...
Joy Joy dislikes being put into the carseat. She'd be ok initially but the journey always ends up with her crying hysterically.
I think it's claustrophobic for her to be strapped to an unfamiliar place. Maybe the head rest also has something to do with it.
Last night we were traveling home from my place and Joy Joy cried within minutes of being put in the car seat. I sat right beside her and tried everything I could to calm her down, aiming to let her know she wasn't alone and nobody abandoned her in a strange place, rather than hope to get her to stop crying.I sang to her, touched her, stroked her hair, talked to her and used white noise..
At one point she was crying badly and I felt sad so I put my forehead to her head and talked softly to her telling her not to be afraid when I happened to look up to the sky.
There were no stars, it was cloudy but suddenly I saw a perfectly round moon.
And I told joy joy "Joy Joy.. Mummy 陪你看星星.." then I tried "Joy Joy.. 你看有月亮.." after which Daddy passed me his phone to play (nursary) songs for Joy Joy but it went on to play the songs I use to sing and finally I laid my head beside Joy Joy's and told her softly, almost chanting "Joy Joy.. 你看, 今晚有月亮, 有云, 有星星, 有 Joy Joy, 有爸爸, 有妈妈, 还有妈妈喜欢听的歌..."
And gradually she stopped crying.. Looked at the sky whilst i kept telling her the same thing and slowly, she drifted to sleep..
It was a special moment for me, I felt very close to Joy Joy. It was the first time i watched the sky with her whilst we listen to the songs I used to perform very often together. Almost enchanting. Our little family traveling home in the dark, listening to the songs I know so well and love so much. And watching Joy Joy fall asleep in the midst of it all.
Joy Joy seems to recognize places, particularly where she sleeps / is put into. She is frightened when she realizes she is in a totally unfamiliar places and cries suddenly like she just got a huge frighten.
I realise I need to introduce places to her when she is awake or active, so that she isn't afraid.
Good and bad. She seems timid in unfamiliar places although she terrorizes in familiar places but hopefully it means she won't just run away with strangers to strange places without crying.. And she cries really hard.
I like it that time goes by the year. After every year you look back and take in all the events, achievements, ups and downs, mentally close a chapter of your life but somehow it flows into your future too.
I watched "The Bucket List" with Daddy during one of our weekly wind-down DVD nights last year and happened to read about someone who took the exact list as her to-do for the new year.
Its a good idea but the list slightly different for me. Something like:
Do something for myself.
Actually I'd like to do 3. Very greedy but essential.
Do something for someone else.
Actually there's just one thing I can do to benefit many people. Maybe Daddy knows what I'm talking about.
But on top of that, I'd like to go on doing what Daddy and I have been doing. Give help.
Over the past few years, we given help to even strangers to the best of our abilities, sometimes even if it's out of the way for us and we've always always found happiness in doing so.
When Joy Joy is old enough, we'll do volunteer work together with her. And teach her to be always willing to help.
Do something that scares the crap out of you.
The only 3 things I can think of now that scares the crap out of me:
Do something that everyone else thought you couldn’t do.
It should be to love somebody more than I love myself.
I still love me but I think joy joy is becoming more and more important to me.
Do something you’ll remember when the next new year rolls around.
It's probably going to be the process of bringing JoyJoy up but we never know do we.
Maybe we all need some goals in life to elevate the feeling that we're just going through the motions everyday. Suddenly, the things you do have meaning.
Daddy and I were sitting on the sofa close to midnight on the last day of last year when we heard people counting down and the first thing Daddy said in the new year was :" why am I not drinking somewhere to celebrate the new year..."
"you can just bring joy joy along" I said and i begun to laugh.."put alcohol in her milk bottle and She will be so drunk that she'll be knocked out..." and Daddy begun to laugh hysterically in silence with me.
I can imagine Joy Joy drunk:
I miss my freedom too and I miss it sorely, maybe more than Daddy coz he gets to go out still but how do you not love her?